Hooray for the Government!

I had this brilliant fucking idea for an article last week. It was gonna make me tons of money and probably pull in a pulitzer, cause it's about damn time I get my hands on one of them.

You see, here in California (where I'm sure 100% of my non existant reader ship knows I live), the state's in crazy debt to the mafia. It spent all its loot on panties and Escalades for poor people, so now it wants to close down all of our State Parks. Sounds like bull shit, right?

Well, I heard Hearst Castle was one of the parks on the cut list, and there's this town just north of me that would shrivel up and die if the castle closed. I figuerd if that town's tax revenue exceeds what the state invests into the castle, I could prove that Schwartzenager was retarded. I always wanted to prove that.

But it turns out I'm retarded. After two and a half days of talking to boring-ass state treasury assistants and county assesors about the complex nature of our tax system, I found out Hearst Castle was never gonna close at all.

You know what they want to close? The beach, and some mountains probably. When I heard that, I jerked my meat for joy. You know why? Cause good fucking luck, government. Put up a sign, and we'll all just hide in our houses eating cheese.

If they're too broke to clean up a campsite, they're too broke to gaurd it, which means I still get to go, plus it's free and there's no one there to tell me I can't do drugs and bury the rotting body of that gas stations clerk that's stinking up my ride.

Also my gut's telling me the whole threat to close our parks was a stinky red herring designed to keep our attention off the real shit they want to do: have sex with our children. That's one sneaky group of pedophiles.