Hollywood needs to stop wasting my time with movies about shit that actually happened, especially when they make it look fucking bad ass with dope actors and sexy trailers.
True stories are never, ever good enough to be filmed, even when they're about mobster era bank robbers. That's why Public Enemies, starring Jon Lovitz and Batman, left me flaccid and unfulfilled.
Sure, Mr. Lovitz did a fine job, but his mysterious mustache did all the real work. And Batman was fucking pointless. He could've been a nameless cop and still had the same effect. Although, the words at the end of the movie told me he killed himself a year later, so I guess that's why we care about him.
The directing was tip-top and even the dialogue was decent, but the story licked salty ass crack.
You know why? Cause God wrote it. God dooesn't know dick about symbolism or plot structure or irony or conflicts or even theme. He's the go to guy for everlasting salvation, but the guy writes like a retarded middle schooler. His stories are fucking pointless.
In fiction, everything happens for a reason, usually to make the story not suck. True stories are just a bunch of things that happened. Directors aren't allowed to edit out the boring shit or jazz up the weak ass ending where he gets shot in the back the day before what would have been an epic train heist (Fuck that ending).
I saw we join together to boycott all truth in movies, television, newspapers, textbooks, all that shit. Cause even if all the details of your story are accurate, the main point is non existant. That's why you should send me all your money.
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but nick,
ReplyDeleteall of our stories are based on true stories.
yeah, they are. i never wanted to tell you this, because you hate reality so much and all, but i never even make any of this shit up. you don't either. these are all just stories that really happened to my grandpa. Bob Bedow. that guy's a badass. he's always turning into werewolves and feeding christians to lions and shit.
You just never realized this because you're always drunk.
So don't listen to this guy,
(except for when he posts his blogs, them shits are worth listening to every time.)
-Skyler K.
"so you *insanely genius fine young lads* made a blog so you could *shine the light of our impending future upon this poor lost world*
ReplyDeletei sure wish this was in my living room."
-exact quote from a
little anonymous man
thats bullshit.you can't rewrite my comment to make you not sound like fucktards.
ReplyDeleteA good director can warp reality into whatever he wants. take for example the episode of seinfeld where they have the masturbation contest. it is a proven fact that the creators were actually in a masturbation contest and thought it would be funny on tv. god wrote that and that shit is full of all that stupid ap english mumbo jumbo you talked about earlier. also reality tv kicks ass...CJ Koegel is a god!
ReplyDeleteagreed. A good director can fix it up pretty, but they can't do shit when the star dies in a stupid, dis-entertaining way.
ReplyDeletealso, it would appear that we can rewrite your comments, you know, since we did.
Hey mr magic if you can really rewrite my comments make me say something extremely cool. This is a challenge to you if you choose to accept it. also can you change my name into something like kick ass ninja?
ReplyDeleteAnd jesus said unto Satan, "Get thee hence. For the son of man does not use his super powers to impress the minds of those who dwell in folly, though he may use them for pizza."
ReplyDeleteso it is written. so shall it be.
That's right. SnM is declaring here and now that we are Jesus II, the sequel.
didnt everybody die at the end of the first jesus.no wait that was hamlet.and fuck you for rewriting my comments also
ReplyDelete